Those of us who have never struggled with addiction may have trouble understanding the problem. If my doctor told me I would die if I had another drink of wine, I would have no problem quitting and would absolutely not miss it. For alcoholics or drug addicts, however, it would be like cutting off their air supply. They would turn to whatever action was required to keep functioning, even though their substance of choice could potentially kill them.

Reading the late Matthew Perry’s best-selling memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, provided a bit more insight into the challenges faced by individuals who are predisposed to addiction. Perry was handsome, smart, and talented. He earned millions of dollars, not only for his years as Chandler Bing on Friends but in dozens of other starring and support roles in Hollywood.

Perry’s life was privileged from the beginning. He was born in Montreal. His parents separated when he was still a toddler but when his mother remarried, her new husband and Perry’s new stepfather was the famous newscaster and journalist Keith Morrison. His mother, Suzanne worked as press secretary to Pierre Trudeau who was Prime Minister of Canada.

At the age of five, he flew as an unaccompanied child to Los Angeles to spend time with his biological father, a trip so terrifying that he never completely recovered from the trauma. Despite having so many advantages, he never felt like he was enough.

The descent into addiction began in his teens with his first taste of vodka. Over the years his addictions to cigarettes, alcohol, and various legal and illegal drugs would ruin him and leave him unable to build and sustain relationships. While he generally would turn up for work sober he was most often severely hungover or coming down from a high. There were times when he was transported to the Friends set directly from rehab and returned to the facility after the day’s work was done.

Perry estimates he spent more than $7 million dollars over the years on drugs and alcohol. He was admitted to rehab more than fifteen times and even managed to stay clean and sober for a two-year stretch once, only to fall back into the life of addiction. He dreamed of marrying and having a normal family life but knew he was incapable of doing so as long as he struggled with his addictions and various psychological problems. His self-destructive behaviours put an end to any healthy relationships he might have had with various women over the years, including Julia Roberts.

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is not an uplifting book but it is enlightening. It helped me understand the frustrations and futility experienced by addicts as they try to gain control of their lives. The book also calls into question the dubious methods used by many rehab facilities. It is certainly not as easy as “Just Say No!” as so many advocates naively suggest. Those of us who are not genetically predisposed to addictive behaviours and substances are lucky.

The greater loss of good people in our general population who also suffer from addiction problems is part of our everyday lives. Perhaps we have family members or close friends who have faced the demons. The genetic component is undeniable. Some people simply cannot tolerate any kind of addictive substance without succumbing to the siren’s call until it destroys them.

We all know how this story ends—tragically. Matthew Perry’s doctors and his personal assistant have since been charged with criminal offences related to his death. Perhaps they felt by supplying him they were better able to control the quality and quantity of his intake but more likely they put money ahead of his personal well-being. It’s complicated and those of us who are still here have to take it upon ourselves to better understand the problems surrounding addiction. Reading this book will help.

If you are unable to obtain Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry from your local bookstore or library, you can have it delivered directly to your door or tablet from Amazon by clicking on this link.