Remember when we used to get news from around the world? About all kinds of different issues? Is there still a functioning world out there? I’m starved for news on Harry and Meghan (well, not really, but you know what I mean), or what is the latest scientific evidence on cancer-causing teas or breakfast cereal. What’s happening in Europe? Is Brigitte Macron still wearing her designer skirts too short? Is Angela Merkel still kicking butt? I’m so fed up with newspapers, television and streaming news being blindly dedicated to two issues only . . . COVID-19 and President Trump. I’m sick to death of it all and consequently have stopped watching television news altogether. Even my morning paper, which is already so thin it could blow off the kitchen counter when I sneeze, offers nothing new, interesting or different. By the time I skip over the dominant two issues there’s nothing left to read. They’re making it difficult for me to support print journalism when they no longer dig deep for something new and interesting.
Even my sacred Sunday edition of The New York Times is guilty and I’m seriously considering cancelling my subscription. Only a year ago I practically needed a forklift to pick it up at my front door. It was chock full of wide-ranging and intelligent information about so many different topics. Even the Style section is now all about COVID and coping. All the essays, editorials, travel, food, arts and business articles are written in the context of COVID or Trump. I realize these are serious issues but the media has become terminally lazy about digging up actual new news. They’re simply rehashing old information and shocking us with the latest statistics. Every news source releases predictable information in a series of rearranged words that keep beating the same old drum. I’m craving fresh information about different topics.
I think it’s time for the Baby Boomer Brigade aka Killer B’s to take action and employ some of our old sixties protest tactics to shake things up a bit. We made jeans a mainstream fashion item. We put an end to the war in Vietnam. We raised hemlines and invented smartphones. We (eventually) made weed a legal substance and we changed the laws on same-sex marriage, abortion and equal rights. But, there’s still a lot more work to be done. It’s time we rolled up our sleeves (but not too high because of, you know, upper arm flaps) and did something newsworthy to see if we can generate some genuine news.
Boomers make news
If the Killer B’s took to the streets I’m sure we could attract enough media attention to distract from the same old stuff. I have a few suggestions:
- Most of us have forgone wearing bras while we’re isolating (sorry, another COVID reference). If we decided to burn our bras in public once again, we would have enough discarded mammary garments to create an absolute firestorm. Think of all that polyester and foam going up in smoke and melting in front of the Parliament Buildings or City Hall. I realize the enormous smudge pot would create a serious air pollution problem, but it would all be for a good cause. And most of our bras are much bigger than they were in the sixties to accommodate our menopausal boob flab so the conflagration could go on for days, maybe weeks.
- It’s time to stage a perpetual sixties rock concert in the streets. With The Beatles, The Stones, CCR, or Tommy James and the Shondelles blasting away on P.A. systems for hours, how could anyone not be happy and start dancing on porches, balconies or their front lawns? Load up on gummy bears and really get in the groove.
- Speaking of getting in the groove, bake brownies, really good ones with lots of nuts and things so they last longer. Is there a happier food? Share them with friends and neighbours. That would definitely take the edge off bad news and turn us all on to the good life.
- Make love without a mask! Yes. Do it! It’s more fun without a mask and the more we do it, the less chance there’ll be of civil war as everyone will be too busy.
- Write a humorous best-seller or create a historically significant piece of art, like a Henry Moore or a new fake Banksy. That’s bound to attract lots of press attention.
- Imagine if all the men in the world suddenly started putting the toilet seat down and replacing the empty roll? That’s never before happened in the history of the world and would definitely cause a front-page news sensation.
- What if boomers started driving after dark again? Imagine the total mayhem on the roads and highways. How could the media ignore all the night-blind drivers careening and crashing around city streets and country lanes on their way home from book clubs and pickleball. The entire insurance industry would tank and that’s definitely newsworthy.
If you’ve ever been to the United States then you know they are not aware that another entire world exists beyond their borders. American news is strictly local or national. The rest of the world simply does not exist which helps account for their narrow point of view. But this is Canada and we’ve always had a much broader, more global perspective. Let’s make it ‘broader’.
Once again, it is incumbent on boomers to get this insane old world back on track, preferably before the pandemic kills us all, or the continental Arctic ice melts and the rainforest completely burns. We’ve made quite a mess of things but there’s still time to generate some real news that doesn’t involve Trump or horrific COVID updates.
The American election will come and go, hopefully in a better direction than the last one. Our own Canadian elections are on hold. This pandemic will also eventually pass and be replaced by another. Perhaps it’s time once again for a call-to-action by baby boomers to generate some good news. I’m ready to burn my bras and dance in the streets for a worthy cause and a better way of life. Are you? Let’s break the cycle.