Now that the inauguration festivities are over and President Trump no longer has to fake respect for family values (five children with three wives), First Lady Melania has retreated to her ivory tower in Manhattan, under the guise of being a “full-time” mother. After all, she does have her hands full with making all those wardrobe and accessory decisions while her only child is away all day at private school. But she’s not fooling anyone.
Here’s this Boomer Broad’s take on the real reasons we no longer see the presidential arm-candy around Washington:
- She’s busy packing his things and hauling them to the curb at Trump Tower, dancing around in her gold stiletto’s singing I Will Survive and I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair extensions, at the top of her lungs.
- Let’s face it, Ivanka will do a much better job of First-Ladying, having a wee bit of a brain and all.
- She got tired of all that orange hair and spray tan in the bathroom sink, and she no longer has to share her makeup.
- Her girlfriends on Fifth Avenue provide a much more realistic support system when it comes to making tough decisions about whether to wear the Valentino or the Dolce & Gabanna for her weekly trophy-wife support group lunches.
- Life in The White House might require doing some actual work such as pretending she enjoys hosting the King of Tonga or organizing the annual Easter egg hunt. Living away also means she doesn’t have to get behind a worthy cause such as anti-bullying (oops! bad choice) or mental health (sorry, not that one either).
Maintaining security and housing the Secret Service in Trump Tower will conveniently provide a much-needed revenue stream for the financially challenged first family. Former Presidents’ wives have also been known to earn their keep by whispering common sense into the President’s ear when he needs a dose of reality. We’re hoping Ivanka will fulfill that role although her reality is not even remotely anything like that experienced by ordinary citizens. Not much hope there. And, his emperorship listens to reason from no one. So, all in all, having an AWOL first lady is not entirely a bad thing. Perhaps there is an upside to this administration after all. We will survive.
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