Neil Sedaka was right. Any kind of breaking up is aways hard to do. By the time boomers reach retirement age, most of us have experienced at least one painful breakup. Many of us are veterans of multiple breakups. When it happens, we feel like we will never recover but inevitably we do. We put ourselves back together and often find someone else to love. Whether through divorce or widowhood, these experiences are painful and leave lasting imprints. The upside is we grow emotionally through these challenges and become stronger individuals.

Heartbreak and the pain of separation are not limited to romantic partners. Many people experience it when they lose their jobs or in the case of baby boomers, when they retire. Men seem particularly prone to separation anxiety when they leave their place of employment because they often measure their entire worth on their status in the working world. People they thought were their friends no longer reach out to them. It can result in depression and feelings of abandonment.

I have certainly had my share of romantic heartbreaks and separation over the years but the end of my working life and retirement was definitely not one of them. I rejoice at my newfound freedom and celebrate these days as the best of my life. Even divorce can be liberating if the marriage is not working. One friend described her divorce as “getting out of jail, free”.

Thank You For Being My Friend

An often overlooked source of stress is separation from friends, both good and bad. Boomers have amassed untold numbers of friends over the years, simply because we have lived so many years and had so many experiences. It’s a natural consequence of aging as friends come and go.

Many years ago I eliminated some toxic friends from my life. For years I endured the relationship because I thought I was being a good friend by listening to all their troubles, and generally helping and supporting them however I could. What I discovered over time was that their constant neediness drained me of positive energy, so I had to cut them loose in the interest of my own well-being.

On the other hand, I have also lost touch with friends I would dearly love to still have in my life. Some of my best friends were acquired through mutual acquaintances, or marriage, as well as through business and coworkers.  As often happens, when one of us changes jobs, the link is broken and after a few rushed lunches together, we gradually drift apart. Some of my former coworkers were soulmates at the time. We connected on so many levels. When that connection was lost, I felt bereft and missed them terribly. Still do.

Divorce can put a strain on friendships as well. Some drift to his side, others to hers. In some cases, including my own, mutual friends of a former spouse manage to keep both sides engaged in the friendship circle. That’s a unique blessing. Sometimes, high school sweethearts or friends who have gone their separate ways reconnect later in life when their spouses have passed away or just passed out of their lives.

During our working years, many great friendships developed through the work environment because we were together so much of the time. We were witness to the good, the bad, and the ugly in people we worked with daily and could be selective about our choice of friends. When those friendships endure, they tend to be for the long haul and many of us continue to count them among our closest friends today.

Whether through natural attrition or deliberate choice, boomers have lost and kept numerous friends over the decades. I still miss some of my friends who have vaporized. I search them out from time to time on Facebook or Instagram, usually without success because of privacy settings. I’m confident they are doing well but I still miss them. Do they ever think of me?

My closest circle of friends includes girlfriends I’ve known since Grade One—that’s more than seventy years ago, and others I met through mutual friends or work more than forty years ago. These people are cherished and precious gifts that I am eternally grateful for. Friends celebrate our joys and help us through our sorrows. Female friendships often operate at a deeper emotional level than men. While we share feelings, cry together, laugh together, and generally expose our souls to our friends, men are more inclined to limit their dialogue to sports, cars, or business.

Raising children, changing jobs, moving cities, or getting divorced can be known to put an end to so many wonderful relationships and I know it’s unrealistic to expect we can keep everyone in our circle for life but there’s no embargo on reconnecting. I love it when old friends track me down on Facebook or Instagram and contact me. We always have room for more. While breaking up is hard to do, reconnecting is so rewarding. We can never have too many friends. They’re the staff of life. Thank you for being mine.