The bald guys are laughing their asses off. Who cares that barbers, hairdressers and nail salons are closed until further notice? Not someone who does their hair with a razor every morning in the shower. However, there’s a ginormous portion of our population that depends on the regular services of hairdressers and nail technicians to keep us presentable enough to be seen in public. Baby boomer women have come to depend on these services as much as our mothers’ generation counted on being on good terms with the local butcher, the milkman or the payday once-a-week wash and set at the hairdressers.
If you see someone who looks like Keith Richards self-isolating on my front porch, don’t be alarmed. It’s only me. Before the sky started to fall, I kept postponing my bi-monthly trip to the hairdressers. Then, I came down with a bad cold and had to cancel an appointment booked two weeks in advance. Now I’m screwed. I’m a month past my best-before date for a trim and my highlights haven’t been touched up since November so my roots are nearly three inches long.
By comparison, I’m lucky. For some strange reason, I have little to no gray hair so I can live with my boring natural colour without looking like a complete freak. I guess my lack of grey hair is minor compensation for the fact I’m going bald. For those of us who need 4-6-week root touchups, though, you have my deepest sympathy. Not only can we not get to our hairdresser, but so many supply stores are closing, Miss Clairol or Nice n’Easy could be the next in-demand product harder to source than toilet paper and hand sanitizer.
Those of us with Maye Musk or Helen Mirren-type aspirations of going grey naturally, now’s the time. We could be in for a terrible shock. Or not. Grey hair is becoming increasingly more fashionable and before long, an entire generation of boomer broads will be sporting the look, whether we like it or not.
Then, there’s the issue of our nails. Once again, I’m lucky. I don’t have acrylic or gel nails requiring regular professional fillers and servicing. I can’t grow a decent head of hair, but my fingernails are turbo-charged and grow at an alarming rate. Without regular clipping and filing, I’d resemble Howard Hughes in a couple of weeks. And, I’m quite capable of doing my own manicures from the vast stash of products I already have in my bathroom. We can always take care of our own pedicures. And if you’re unable to reach your toenails for clipping, isn’t that what grandchildren are for? We’re going to be witnessing some pretty weird finger appendages very soon which should not be confused with fungus or neurofibromatosis (Elephant Man’s disease). Be aware.
Fortunately, dating is strongly discouraged these days which is a good thing because trips to the esthetician for personal and extremely personal waxing are now verboten. Eyebrows, nose and chin hairs can be managed at home in the privacy of our own bathrooms with the help of 10X magnifying mirrors and tweezers. We’re in for all kinds of horrific surprises though on the follicular front. And make sure you take your heart and blood pressure meds before sneaking a peek at that 10X mirror. Lordy, lordy.
Many of us have also lost the services of our dog groomers. Once again, I’m lucky. With a three-and-a-half-pound Yorkie, I can dunk her in the kitchen sink and pretty much handle the rest myself with a pair of scissors. I am concerned about doggie toenails, however, and hope this Armageddon ends before she’s tripping over her tiny feet.
We’re going to discover all kinds of everyday services that we previously took for granted are no longer available. Let’s hope we’ll become more resourceful and start doing things for ourselves. Our parents’ generation lived through The Great Depression and World War II making sacrifices and making do with a lot less than we’re coping with today. It could be a valuable lesson for humanity to reevaluate and re-engineer our lives to be smarter, kinder and more sensitive to our environment. Mother nature is definitely trying to get our attention and we’d be wise to listen and learn.