In an earlier post I quoted a piece from a book by David Sedaris called Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls. He wrote the following paragraphs in response to seeing a young boy outside a store defacing a federal mail box with marker pens. A bystander held the boy until the parents came out of the store and instead of disciplining the child for his bad behaviour, the parents verbally attacked the bystander for touching their child.  Sedaris was understandably appalled and described his own experience growing up in a family of six kids:

“I don’t know how these couples do it, spend hours each night tucking their kids in, reading them books about misguided kittens or seals who wear uniforms, then rereading them if the child so orders. In my house, our parents put us to bed with two simple words: “Shut up.” That was always the last thing we heard before our lights were turned off. Our artwork did not hang on the refrigerator or anywhere near it, because our parents recognized it for what it was: crap. They did not live in a child’s house, we lived in theirs.

Neither were we allowed to choose what we ate. I have a friend whose seven-year-old will only consider something if it’s white. Had I tried that, my parents would have said, “You’re on,” and served me a bowl of paste, followed by joint compound. They weren’t considered strict by any means. They weren’t abusive. The rules were just different back then, especially in regard to corporal punishment. Not only could you hit your own children, but you could also hit other people’s.”

Did I commit a public faux pas?
Did I commit a public faux pas?

While hitting children is obviously wrong, I find myself wondering, are our expectations of kids today wrong? The other day when I was in the grocery store, I passed a woman shopping with three children. Her young daughter who appeared to be about eight years old accidentally knocked something off a shelf, left it on the floor in the aisle and walked away. As I passed the little girl (who was wearing a private school uniform), I quietly said to her, “Put it back.”, then rounded the corner and headed off to the frozen food section at the other end of the store.

A few seconds later her mother came screaming after me that I had no right to discipline her child; who did I think I was and accused me repeatedly of being self-righteous. “My child is a good child and she knows what to do” she screamed, waving her arms at me. “Obviously she doesn’t” I replied. Then the rant started all over, who was I to be so self-righteous, and I was actually afraid she was going to strike me so I calmly walked away from her as she continued yelling at me.

The mother was wearing a hijab so I presume she was Muslim. Did I cross a cultural line or is it a generational thing? I honestly do not think I did anything wrong. But the scene hurt and embarrassed me. I generally avoid confrontational situations and when faced with the fury hurled at me yesterday I was paralyzed and couldn’t even come up with an appropriate response. I think any Boomer would have responded as I did when the child left the item on the floor in the aisle. But parenting today is more defensive. Perhaps the mother’s cultural standards are different. Was I wrong?

P.S. Returning to the same store a few days later, I found myself nervously looking over my shoulder looking to protect myself from another attack by the same woman. She certainly left her mark.


Lynda Davis

As an early Baby Boomer, born in 1947, it seems to me that as we approach our retirement years, Boomers have gone from being the energy driving our nation to slowly becoming invisible. We risk losing our identity as society remains stubbornly youth-centric. And the irony is that Gen Xers and Ys are not the majority; we are. BOOMERBROADcast is my platform for being the voice of Baby Boomers, women in particular. We've generated a lot of changes over the decades but there's still a long way to go. After a 40-year career in the corporate world, I've taken up expressing the observations and concerns of our generation. Instead of pounding the pavement in my bellbottoms with a cardboard sign, I'm pounding my laptop (I learned to type on a manual typewriter and old habits die hard). If you have issues or concerns you would like voiced or have comments on what I've voiced, I'd love to hear from you. We started breaking the rules in the sixties and now that we're in our sixties it's no time to become complacent. Hope you'll stay tuned and if you like BOOMERBROADcast, share it with your friends. Let's rock n' roll! If you would like to be notified whenever I publish a new posting, click on the little blue box in the lower right of your screen that says +Follow→ Lynda Davis

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. A quote from Socrates (b. circa 399 BC):

    “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”

    Seems Boomers have been despairing of the younger generations for quite some time. However I do have to wonder if we have hit rock bottom now. I’ve witnessed many similar incidents to the one you described but not being brave enough to intervene, have turned the other cheek. Like you, I hate confrontation. I met a friend at Tim Horton’s the other week for a coffee. We had been sitting down for about 15 minutes when a woman came in with two young children. They proceeded to tyrannize the place, yelling and screaming, bumping into customers while “mother” sat with a smile on her face. Needless to say, we didn’t stick around long. The unsettling part was that no-one else seemed bothered by this display which leads me to wonder if this kind of behaviour is becoming acceptable. A really scary thought.

  2. No, you were not wrong, unless you were an employee of the store. And as far as crossing any cultural lines, I cannot comment as we are not very multiculturalist in my section of rural Ontario. But as far as I am concerned, culture has nothing to do with putting items that you altered back where they belong. It is a matter of safety, as well as courtesy. Next time you might want to phrase it differently and in a voice loud enough for the mother to hear – Would you like some help to put that back? or I bet you did not notice that you accidently knocked that item onto the floor! or Oh look, you accidently knocked that item onto the floor – let’s put it back where it belongs. No confrontation and lay on a bit of guilt onto mother and teach child what she needs to know. Parents who defend children end up with major problems on their hands as they get a bit older.

    Now, if I was the parent, and if child #3 came to me in the grocery store and said that someone had reprimanded her, my approach would have been different. I would have come to speak to you with the child and I would have said, #3 says that there is a problem here and that you spoke to her – could you please tell me what happened. And then as the story unraveled, all the mother had to do was to say to the child When you knock something onto the floor, you need to put it back and then she could have looked at you and said Thank you! A win, win situation. And #3 would think twice before she did it again. Chapter 2 of a book any retired teacher could write – Parenting 101 – Teaching your child to be responsible. Too bad Parenting 101 was not a prerequisite to having children.

    1. As Boomers we’re not always right (shockingly) but on this one, I’m sure we are. Thanks for your comments.

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