Merry Christmas To My Very Special Boomer Broads, their friends and families
If I were ol’ Santa, you know what I’d do
I’d dump silly gifts that are given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.
I’d give you back all your maidenly vigour,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color
that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.
I’d bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I’d draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you’d be a dream in those tight-fitting slacks.
I’d remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn’t spend hours
rubbing grease on your skin.
You’d never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn’t hear noises like ringing of bells.
No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they’re right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you’re a nervous old granny.You’d never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won’t ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you’d never look stupid,
You’d be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.I’d give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I’m not Santa. I’m simply just me,
The â€œmatronestâ€ of matrons you ever did see.
I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I’ve got,
But I’m due at my doctor’s for an estrogen shot.
Even though we’ve grown older, this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.
While we can all enjoy the humour in these thoughts, is there one of us who would trade where we are today for what we were 40 years ago? This Boomer thinks each day is even better than the day before and I would never really want to go back. We’re blessed; we’re beautiful; we’re Boomer Broads. Thanks for reading. And I look forward to 2014 being the most wonderful year for all of us.
Save the Earth; it is the only planet with chocolate