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Dear Mr. Gates: It’s me again, Lynda, for the umpteenth time

It’s getting harder for Boomers to keep up.

Obviously I’m directing my letters to the wrong person as Bill Gates hasn’t returned any of my emails. Dear I.T. God-in-heaven, whoever you are, I’m at my wit’s end. Trying to manage my I.T. issues is the single largest source of stress in my life (I know, relatively speaking I’m blessed, but still . . .).  You would think that after all these years, technology would be getting simpler not more complicated. I’m convinced my hair loss, weight gain and skin rashes are entirely the result of the stress from trying to resolve problems with my computer, my television and the internet, all of which are supposed to make my life better, not worse.

Yesterday I spent two and a half hours on the phone with Bell Canada because my internet and TV service died early in the morning. I lost count of the number of service reps I spoke to, repeating my simple story a thousand times to each one in succession while they fiddled with keyboards at their end, trying to avoid a service call to my house. Probably my first mistake was switching from satellite television to Fibe TV. Bell installed a new router over the weekend. Now I can’t find any of my favourite channels as Bell doesn’t deem it necessary to provide customers with a printed copy of the new channel guide. When I went on-line to print one out, my ‘search’ yielded nothing but sales pitches. I required the assistance of a telephone service representative to help me find the obscure little link on their website that lists the channels. Hallelujah! When I/we finally found the channel guide, I discovered that our wireless printers no longer recognize the new modem and no amount of fiddling I did with printer and computer configurations would fix it. I may never be able to print again because I don’t think I have the stamina required to sort it out.

My tech issues are making me into a crazy woman. Turning my cell phone on and off is a challenge. I’m never sure about whether it’s really on or off or the status of the battery life. Texting is out of the question so you can be sure I won’t be ‘swiping’ my phone to pay for things anytime soon. I’ve never figured out how to access free movies on Amazon Prime and navigating my new Fibe TV service is on the back burner for now. Fortunately I still have a landline and know how to use it, but I’ve never programmed in frequently-called numbers. I have mastered my microwave oven and can read library books on my iPad but that’s the extent of my technical ability.

I’m beginning to think it’s almost worth giving up retirement and going back to the workforce just to have the support of an I.T. Department with my technical questions. I accept that I will never be tech-savvy and I don’t expect to even keep up. All I want is to be able to function in the world without all the stress caused by my electronic devices. Tomorrow I’m going to pick up a new laptop as my old one barely chugs along these days. It’s slow; it wastes tons of my time waiting for things to open and it can barely handle everyday functions without me having to constantly re-boot. Give me strength. Better, still, more wine please. I’m going to need it.

Peace be with you.

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Another blow for womankind

My transition from hip, cool Baby Boomer to doddering old lady has been marked by a series of horrifying incidents. The first was when the child in the ticket booth at the movie theatre sold me a senior’s ticket without my asking, and despite the fact that I am obviously barely old enough to drink legally. Then, there was the time the lady at Shoppers Drug Mart gently suggested I might qualify for their seniors’ discount.

cell phone 4The latest blow to my fragile ego came this week when I purchased a new cell phone—not a Smart phone which I’m too stupid to figure out—but a basic, no-frills device designed for infrequent users like me. While I own a cell phone, I rarely use it and have never figured out the rest of the world’s addiction to the eyes-down, thumbs-constantly-engaged lifestyle. My old cell phone died after years of boredom and lack of use, so, I went to Walmart and purchased a new one for $19.95. After removing layers of packaging the size of a bread box, I unveiled my new flip-phone. To my horror, I’d purchased the dummies version which was slightly bigger than my old one, with large numbers that can be read from across a football field.

Hello? Operator?
Hello? Operator?

My new cell phone is a simple device designed for a simple mind. And I like it. Just don’t ask me to text, swipe merchandise for a price check or even activate the voice mail feature. In fact, if you call me on my cell, you’ll probably get no answer as I rarely turn it on. No worries about me talking and texting while driving or having lunch with my Boomer gal pals. But, it’s there in my purse and always charged up in case my car breaks down, or I do. Old things have a tendency to do just that and this old lady may no longer be hip or cool but she is packin’. I’m no dummy. And, thank goodness Walmart still takes good, old-fashioned cash.

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