As someone who has trouble hearing and wears hearing aids, it would seem contradictory that I find restaurants these days to be unbearably noisy. Is it a consequence of aging and me getting grumpier, or are restaurant noise levels higher than they’ve ever been? Even after making all the necessary adjustments to minimize background noise in my hearing devices, I still find it impossible to have a normal conversation without yelling across the table. The atmosphere in most restaurants is not conducive to friendly catching up with friends and often leads me to strike that restaurant off my list of suitable venues.

After years of blasting ABBA, The Stones, and other musical groups of our era through headphones or three-foot high speakers with the bass maxed out, most boomers now have age-related hearing issues and need a little help. Hearing aids have come a long way technologically from the days of cumbersome devices attached by a cord to a transmitter in our breast pocket, but they’re still not as good as our real ears used to be. When we’re in public spaces, particularly restaurants, all the sound crashes down on us in a solid assault. Imagine Phil Spector’s “wall of sound” on steroids.

As retired boomers, we now prefer a different dining-out experience than what we enjoyed in our younger days. Instead of leaving the house around 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. to meet friends somewhere loud and busy, we now prefer meeting friends for lunch and catching up, mainly because we don’t like driving after dark (humiliating, but true). Many of us also like to get into our jammies around dinnertime, particularly at this time of year when it’s dark at 5:00 p.m. If you’re reading this and you’re not a boomer, don’t laugh—I used to roll my eyes at my parents’ generation for not wanting to go out at night. Now it’s me, and it will be you too before long.

Going out for lunch instead of dinner (which, conveniently, is also cheaper) is no guarantee that the atmosphere in a restaurant will be conducive to enjoying a nice visit with friends. Hubby and I recently went for lunch at Cactus Club Café in Toronto’s Sherway Gardens. We were seated at a comfortable, oval-shaped table at the edge of the dining area, which had all the markings of private seating. There was, however, a speaker directly above our table that was blasting the most unappealing music at a level that made normal conversation impossible. So, we split up. Boys at one end of the table trying to talk, and girls at the other. We still found ourselves yelling to be heard. Even when we politely asked the waiter if the music could be turned down and offered to sweeten his tip, the noise level remained the same.

We met the same friends in the popular new Eataly restaurant chain, also in Sherway Gardens (it’s a convenient halfway meeting point between both our homes). Again, all the hard surfaces, close proximity of tables, and busy lunchtime chatter made conversation impossible. Our throats were dry and hoarse from yelling to be heard above the ambient din of restaurant noise.

There’s another nearby higher-end restaurant that we have visited for special occasions, which is now a questionable destination. Again, the noise level is almost unbearable and at around $100.00 per person for a wonderful meal that is beautifully prepared and served, we want to be able to relax and enjoy a pleasant conversation with friends. Unless we’re seated in a back corner away from other diners, it’s impossible.

The fault lies not so much with the restaurants but with the restaurant designers. They must all have young, unassailable ears, oblivious to distracting noise levels. Before the old Pickle Barrel closed in Sherway Gardens and Eataly took over their space, we could be assured of a quiet, private lunch. Some of the booths had high wraparound upholstered backs, which gave us both visual privacy and ultimate noise reduction—not that we’re doing anything unsavoury, but it’s a nice cozy feeling and conducive to conversation. Has technology and smartphone addiction altered Gen Y and Zs so much that they no longer consider in-person conversation to be an essential, even pleasurable life skill?

Interestingly, smaller restaurants don’t have the same noise pollution issues as larger, cavernous ones. When we go to Harvey’s for a burger, Panera Bread for squash soup, Tim Horton’s for steeped tea and a cookie, or Halibut House for fish and chips, we are able to have a normal conversation without yelling or turning down our hearing aids. Even McDonald’s is reasonably bearable. Maybe we’re just meant to be fast-food diners. Are boomers and their hearing aids not welcome in larger restaurants? That’s a shame because we like eating out, and we can finally afford to.

There’s always the Uber Eats or DoorDash options, which would ensure complete and utter silence in our own kitchen, but that’s no fun. Eating out is not intended to be a functional exercise solely for satisfying hunger; it should also be enjoyed as a social exchange conducted over good food. We’ll continue to search for smaller venues that accommodate not only our appetite for good food but also our desire for conversation. Am I the only one experiencing the noise issue, or am I just being a grumpy old lady?