Remember the days when the weekend newspaper was so heavy you needed a forklift to pick it up at the front door? It was chock-full of newsy news, observations, interesting editorial content, funnies, letters to Abby or Ann or Heloise, advertising, and suggestions on how to live better, happier, and ultimately more successful lives. There were pages of general interest pieces, as well as the usual political and crime reports, business news, and other information that didn’t always focus heavily on war or violence. Some of the print ads were even helpful and entertaining. These days, my morning paper is so flimsy it is more likely to blow away with the merest hint of a breeze.

Call me old-fashioned, but I love nothing more than opening the morning paper each day, accompanied by a giant mug of Yorkshire Gold tea and a plate of warm toast made from my home-made bread and jam. It’s a major perk of being retired. This daily reading ritual, which used to take me at least an hour or more in the olden days of hefty newspapers, now barely gets me through my first mug of tea. Where’s the beef?

The signs of disappearing print media began a few years ago. As an avowed magazine junkie, my favourite magazines kept shrinking until they ceased publication altogether. Those that remained became so thin and uninspiring that I gradually cancelled once-loved subscriptions, at one time totalling eighteen—yes 18!—a month. Obviously, I love reading and at one time aspired to be a magazine editor in my next life. I’m now down to a mere two subscriptions and those are hanging on by a fraying thread. I only persevere because they’re Canadian, and every so often they surprise me with something I like, so I feel morally bound to support them.

My once-faithful Globe and Mail, which bills itself as Canada’s national newspaper, is a mere skeleton of its former self. Back in my working days, I would spread The Globe and Mail out on my desk every morning and study the business news, read every single business appointment notice (many of which I submitted myself on behalf of my employer), and even treated myself to a quick scan of Zena Cherry’s society column to see who was movin’ and shakin’ at local charity balls. I scrupulously clipped out articles relevant to our industry or news about what our competitors were up to. There was always an abundance of good stuff. To their great credit, The Globe and Mail once deemed one of my essays worthy of publication in their First Person column, which was one of the high points in my writing ambitions.

My steadfast support of print journalism is becoming increasingly more difficult to justify. I realize newspapers and magazines are facing extreme financial pressure from print and distribution costs, not to mention the loss of significant lifeline advertising revenue. The integrity of these publications is also in jeopardy primarily due to the onslaught of online media, which is frequently less than accurate, often downright false and misleading, and, sadly, financially more lucrative for its creators. It’s a shame.

As I was perusing my Visa bill today (online, of course), I was shocked at how much I’m paying for a barely-there daily newspaper, which includes the somewhat heftier complete Sunday edition of The New York Times. For the first time, it was almost enough to make me consider cancelling my subscription. I know I could read it cheaper online (which is the direction newspapers will ultimately go), but the satisfaction of picking it up at the front door and spreading it out on the kitchen counter would be missing.

I suppose my weakening insistence on reading a hard-copy newspaper is easily understood by those individuals who still prefer to read hard-copy books rather than enjoying the convenience of downloading onto a tablet or phone. Ironically, I am one of those people who prefer reading E-books downloaded for free from the library instead of trekking to my local branch for the “real thing”, but not my morning paper. Much as I love the smell and texture of real books, I love being able to conveniently order and download them from the comfort of my LaZ-Girl chair in my living room. It also spares me the guilt and remorse associated with buying too many books and having to purge the inventory every year or so. Not to mention, I’ve saved a shitload of money by downloading my favourites for free and deleting ones I am not enjoying, which allows me to buy more shoes.

I’ve mentioned in earlier posts that I will insist on my grave being equipped with WiFi so I can download books and other publications in the hereafter, which will last a very long time. My loyalties are pulling in opposite directions. Much as I love downloading books online, I mourn my hard-copy, hefty morning paper. That decision may be taken away from me soon, as my hard-copy morning newspaper will ultimately vaporize and I’ll be forced to read it pixel by pixel on my iPad. Fortunately, thanks to modern tablet technology, I will be able to read it in my coffin without a reading light.

Just send the bill for my eternal newspaper subscription to my executor. I don’t want to miss anything. Hopefully, I will still be able to conjure up my Yorkshire Gold steeped tea with just a bit of milk and a side of homemade toasted bread with Bonne Maman raspberry jam in the hereafter. Then, I will truly and forever rest in peace. Maybe I’ll even get to meet Zena Cherry. I’m sure she will find me fascinating and will sign on to “follow” BoomerBroadcast for the truth.