Is it just me or are restaurants piping in music that’s so loud these days it’s nearly impossible to have a conversation without yelling? Lately, I’ve found myself avoiding certain restaurants because the noise level generated by the combination of other customers and the sound system is so overpowering that I’m forced to opt out. At one nearby establishment with amazingly good food, hubby and I recently joined friends for a friendly catch-up lunch. The piped-in music speaker near our table was so loud we politely asked the waiter if they could turn down the sound so we could have a normal conversation. Sorry. The manager sets it and there’s nothing I can do.

Another favourite spot is an Italian eatery near a movie theatre that we frequent on special nights, or on rare occasions when they are showing a boomer-friendly movie. The decor is gently modern with comfortable chairs and subdued lighting. It’s a bit pricey, but the food is exceptional, and the service is polite and non-intrusive. However, unless we score a table by the window in a corner, the noise levels are so overwhelming it almost erases any enjoyment of the meal I might have. The conversations of other guests and the ubiquitous piped-in music bounce off all the hard surfaces to the point I can’t wait to get out of there and talk to my friends outside.

Obviously, I am not a sound engineer, an interior decorator, or a restauranteur, but there must be ways to mitigate noise pollution in restaurants. Might I suggest decorative dividers between large tables and smaller table setups. Textile art on the walls? Fabric on the windows? Acoustic sails on the ceiling? Higher backs on banquettes? It’s frustrating to shell out big dollars for a nice meal that forces you to yell across the table. How are my girlfriends and I supposed to share our mutual grievances and juicy secrets when we have to yell at the top of our lungs to be heard at our own table.

Surprisingly, fast-food restaurants like McDonald’s, Taco Bell, or Five Guys often allow for easy conversation because most people are so busy gobbling up their junk food there is little to no conversation, even though we’re often sitting elbow-to-elbow at the same table with strangers. Sometimes, the beepers for the deep fryer in the kitchen can be a bit annoying and we can hear the order taker at the window, but overall it’s not a bad experience.

While I’m ranting about noise pollution, why hasn’t anyone invented quiet car tires? Car engines are barely audible; it’s the tire noise on the pavement that causes all the loud noise that can be heard for miles. One day I was sitting on a friend’s front porch in the country enjoying the bird sounds and rustle of leaves in the trees, when I heard a lone car approaching in the distance. By the time it passed our front door the crescendo of tire noise from that single car on the pavement was so startling I was blown away. And that was just one car.

Imagine the noise of that single vehicle multiplied thousands of times, which is what most of us in cities live with every day. I once lived in an apartment situated 90 degrees to the street on Dundas Street in Mississauga. The noise from traffic below was so intense and polluting that under no circumstances could I sit on the balcony and enjoy what might be left of any outside fresh air. When I am forced to move into seniors’ assisted living I will be looking for a place that does not overlook a road of any kind. Do they have senior tree-houses with old-lady elevators for access? We once had a condo in Etobicoke that overlooked a cemetery and that was ideal. The dead are joyfully quiet and the green scenery is soothing.

We managed to eliminate smoking in restaurants, which removed one significant cause of pollution. Is it possible to get restaurant owners and designers to work on noise pollution and create a quieter atmosphere, or at least an atmosphere conducive to normal conversation. Every once in a while I encounter a Japanese restaurant with little walled booths enclosed by a soft curtain. That’s my idea of eating-out heaven. I can have a nice lunch or dinner without sharing all my secrets with the rest of the room, or being forced to listen to the guy with his girlfriend at the next table telling his wife on his cell phone that he’s still at the office working on a big project.

Don’t even get me started on parents who refuse to teach their children how to behave properly in a restaurant. I realize children are rambunctuous but if they can’t or won’t behave in a restaurant, leave them at home. Being surrounded by noisy children chasing each other around the tables, climbing under and over furniture, obstructing wait staff, and deconstructing the restaurant’s decor are behaviours that should not be tolerated. Parents are often blissfully engrossed in their phones while bad behaviour runs rampant. Restaurant owners have my sympathy in dealing with these customers. Any time I’ve visited France I’m amazed at how well-behaved the children are when seated with their parents at a restaurant. Teaching begins early and is clearly evident in their good manners when eating out. It IS possible!

Old boomers like me who wear hearing aids are further disadvantaged by being unable to eliminate background noise, despite what the manufacturers say. We are slammed with a Phil Spector-like wall of sound (not the good kind) that makes conversation indecipherable regardless of the adjustments we make to our devices. Even while enjoying outdoor patios at this time of year for lunch or dinner we are assaulted by the sound of noisy cars and trucks passing by. Sigh!

Is asking for quieter restaurants asking too much? Can industrial design engineers and interior designers not come up with better acoustic design that reduce noise pollution, or is it too far a stretch for their AI-addled lazy brains.

The world is getting noisier and more challenging for us old boomers to navigate. Or, am I simply making bad choices? Thank goodness I currently live in a quiet cul-de-sac with no through traffic. I can sleep with my window open at night with barely a whoosh of traffic audible from distant Dundas Street or the QEW—but the white noise is still there. Fortunately, I wear hearing aids so when I take them out at night I’m blissfully in my own silent world. It’s almost as good as having a home that overlooks a cemetery. What’s that you say?