With the abundance of technology available today, how is it possible that no one has managed yet to invent a speaker system for fast-food drive-thru restaurants that can actually transmit understandable dialogue? McDonald’s. Harvey’s. Taco Bell. Tim Horton’s. They’re all the same.

Just today, I had to ask the server at Taco Bell to repeat herself three times before I understood that she was asking if I wanted extra meat in my burrito. She had to yell and slow her speech down to the level of talking to an imbecile. Now—I know I’m an old boomer and I wear hearing aids, but even with the volume turned up on my devices, I can never discern what the servers are saying. As soon as I pull up to the speaker and hear them mumble something to acknowledge my presence, I enthusiastically yell my order into the machine and hope for the best.

Placing an order and having it garbled back to you by someone with an accent further complicates the issue. In the Toronto area, that means nearly everyone serving me. I appreciate the job they are doing and it’s not their fault I cannot understand what they’re saying, which means I’m usually an above-average tipper. The fault lies with the restaurant chain and its choice of technology.

To be completely fair, maybe it is me. I have a similar problem when I try to contact call centres which are invariably located on the other side of the world. I don’t object to hearing dogs barking in the background or listening to the sound of wind blowing across the service rep’s mouthpiece, but I do resent having to ask the person I’m trying to communicate with who speaks English as second language to put the microphone up closer to their face, speak slower, and repeat their message several times before I can understand what they’re saying.

Is it because the restaurants are too cheap to buy decent speaker equipment or because proper systems have not yet been invented? Even the old speakers at ancient drive-in movie theatres had better sound transmission. Is there a basement hobbyist out there somewhere who knows something about voice transmission technology? If you’re reading this, I suggest you get busy and invent a better communication system for drive-thru fast-food restaurants—and while you’re at it, you might be able to sell your invention to off-shore call centres too. I am offering you this opportunity to become a millionaire with no benefit to me other than being able to order my Diet Coke or large steeped tea with milk, hassle-free—first shot.

I am certainly not prepared to give up my drive-thru fast-food habit. It’s one of the few pleasures still available to me at my advanced age. Life would be so much easier though if placing my order could be carried out with easily understandable dialogue between me and the order-taker. Is it that difficult? After all, if I didn’t have to ask the server to repeat herself two or three times, the lineups would move much faster. Isn’t that a win/win for everyone?

That’s today’s rant. Another time we’ll discuss the stupidity of expecting me to endure the challenges of accessing then successfully or unsuccessfully trying to read a QR-coded menu on a tiny cell phone. Hello? Is anyone listening?