Step right up and behold the wonders of the season

When I walk into a department store at this time of year I feel like a mouse standing in front of a trap loaded with lovely fresh Gruyère, wagging my cute little tail with a sense of anticipation and a teensy bit of caution. My nose and my credit card are twitching, my ears are perked up taking in the cuddly Christmas music and my belly is calling out for gratification. I want all the cheese and I want it now. The cosmetics department is strategically positioned at the entrance…

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My queendom for the perfect eyeliner

Things change as we get older. I won't go into detail as you know what I'm talking about, but one issue that I haven't been able to resolve is finding the perfect eyeliner. Back in the olden days (the 60s and 70s), I could execute a perfect swipe of eyeliner faster than . . . well, the blink of an eye. My eyelids were taut, receptive and beautifully enhanced by whatever I applied, in whatever colour. And I applied plenty. As we age, less is better. We no longer apply…

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Raising eyebrows . . . literally, one microblade at a time

I did it! Several months ago I mentioned that I was considering getting my eyebrows microbladed and if I did I'd let you know how it went. Well—the deed has been done and I'm absolutely thrilled with the results. Like most baby boomer women, I plucked my eyebrows into extinction during the 70s when thin, arched brows were the fashion. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. They never grew back. If only the hair removal on my other body parts (chin, legs, bikini area etc.) had been as effective I'd have been spared…

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The September issue blows

Every year I look forward to writing a bitchy critique of the famous September issue of Vogue magazine. At upwards of 800 pages, it arrives with a heavy thud in my mailbox (a couple of years ago the postman actually rang my doorbell and personally handed it to me) and usually gives me a couple of hours of entertainment. Most of what Vogue offers up is utter nonsense and completely irrelevant to the average woman. Despite this, somehow I usually manage to find one or two tiny sparks of inspiration…

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What is disposable fashion?

Are you sitting down? Burberry recently incinerated $37 million worth of their luxury brand merchandise that didn't sell. Rather than dilute the cachet of their brand by offering it at discounted prices to the great unwashed masses (like us), they torched it. It must be lovely to have a business with such generous markups and profit margins that you can afford to just set fire to $37 million. That act of destruction reminded me of how casually we treat our possessions regardless of the cost. Not only are fashions from…

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Help! I’ve O.D.’d on black and white

At what point does safe, so-called classic dressing become just plain boring? We've always been told that basic black and white is a never-fail look for any occasion. It's safe, easy to assemble and accessorize and we can be assured of never feeling self-conscious. I've religiously adhered to that principle for far too long and my closet now looks like a nun lives here. It's time I kicked the "habit". I'm embarrassed to tell you how many pairs of black pants I own, not to mention black and white blouses,…

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