Apparently it’s no joke.  In this latest twist in the commercialization of drug use, I actually saw an advertisement on TV that recommended a prescription solution to an apparent prescription problem. “If you suffer from constipation as a result of opioid use, talk to your doctor about . . . xyz.” I first learned of this problem when I read Papa John, an autobiography by John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas many years ago (which is an interesting read, by the way). He educated me to the fact heavy drug users suffer from severe constipation and intestinal gas. Lovely.

I know there are opioid users who are not drug abusers and are in fact genuine pain sufferers who need prescription painkillers. Obviously, many drugs are good and life-saving but that’s not what I’m talking about here. How would we ever survive without the drug industry to monitor our ailments and develop a pill to eliminate them. American television advertising is sustained and supported by Big Pharma. I’ve actually counted up to fifteen commercials during a break in television programming with thirteen of them about drugs, either over-the-counter or prescription.

There are pills to put us to sleep, pills to counteract the sleeping pills and wake us up, pills to loosen our bowels, pills to tighten our bowels, pills to dry our allergic eyes and pills to relieve dry eyes. We have pills to improve our eyesight, our hearing and even our brains. Along with commercials about four-hour erections, anal leakage and troublesome psoriasis, it’s obvious the entire population over the age of fifty, including all baby boomers, is plagued with a shocking number of ailments that require immediate and ongoing pharmaceutical intervention. And if we’re not popping enough prescription and over-the-counter meds, the “wellness” industry is relentlessly promoting our dependency on vitamin supplements, protein shakes and nefarious diet regimes that could actually endanger our health. Those futuristic space-age predictions we all watched on our snowy black and white televisions in the fifties and sixties have come to pass. Our meals are now a handful of pills.

Despite the billions of dollars spent each year on developing, marketing and purchasing pills and potions from Big Pharma we still don’t have a cure for the common cold, for diabetes or more tragically, cancer. That’s because there’s no profit in eliminating these diseases. With all those billions being spent by consumers to support the treatment of symptoms, there’s no incentive to treat the cause. So if you’re suffering from constipation caused by opioid use or conversely if you’re a victim of anal leakage, stay tuned. There’ll be a commercial for pharmaceutical help regardless of your real or imagined ailment within the next few minutes on a television or digital feed near you. And that’s no joke.

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