Boomer Broads (Killer B’s) may remember a song from the late 50’s called “The Little Nash Rambler and the Cadillac”. It describes the humiliation of the driver of an expensive, high-powered Cadillac whose ego is shattered when overtaken on the road by a little Nash Rambler, a fifties version of the SmartCar. In today’s world it’s Honda Civics that are overtaking us on the road and that’s not a good thing.

It seems to me that every arsehole on the highway who is dangerously jumping lanes to gain precious inches or tailgating in speeding traffic is always driving a Honda Civic. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that the driver is a sunglass-wearing male, in his 20’s, with the driver’s seat tilted back to an angle that makes even seeing the road a challenge, which I suppose helps disguise the fact they’re texting while driving. And his car stereo can be heard clear from Toronto to Vancouver.  Is there something in the Honda Civic owner’s manual that stipulates that their vehicles must be driven at death-defying speeds or the warranty is voided? Are Civics that maneuverable and finely tuned that no other car can match its dexterity and nimbleness?

I genuinely try to be conscientious about obeying traffic rules. I’m considerate and yield when someone wants to get into my lane   and I do not tailgate, unlike most men I know. I only drive in the outside passing lane when I’m actually passing and I do not hesitate to correct my friends when they do not do the same . That’s probably why they love me so much. There’s nothing more endearing than having a friend in the passenger seat to point out their driving infractions.

Those Honda Civic drivers, however, will be the death of me and I’m afraid, literally. When they misbehave on the road as they are wont to do, I want to drive my little old lady SUV right up their hatchbacks and park on their windshields until they feel the full weight of my wrath.

Perhaps the solution is to make it illegal to sell Honda Civics to anyone under the age of 50. If Baby Boomers were the only eligible

qualified buyers then I could cruise peacefully along the 401, 407 or QEW listening to my Bob Dylan anthology without fear of being bumper-car’d off the road. Or—I have an even better idea. Let’s lobby Honda to market Civics to boomers exclusively and make them available in one colour only—Mary Kay pink. If they ran commercials with old ladies like me tooting off to our book club meetings and mani-pedi appointments driving a Honda Civic, perhaps they would lose their cachet. After all, we are surely a demographic larger than the 20-somethings. A spinoff benefit would be fewer thefts. Honda Civics are the most frequently stolen vehicle on the market. What self-respecting dude would want to steal or even be seen driving a pink car associated with old Boomer Broads. Beep beep, beep beep.