I have always maintained that if women ruled the world there would be no war. Women do not send their sons, husbands, lovers, brothers off to be killed or maimed in wars about power. We’d put the kettle on, make a nice pot of tea, put out some chocolate chip cookies and sort it out. It has to do with testosterone. Men have a lot more of it than women and as a result they do stupid things.
Take starting a business. When men decide to start their own business, they lease a Lexus, rent some swanky office space with a perky young receptionist, invite their cronies for expense-account lunches and wait for the business to pour in.
Women, on the other hand, set up a computer and phone on an IKEA desk in the basement, spare bedroom or diningroom table and go to work – the hard way – writing a business plan, a marketing plan, a financial plan. Then they start making calls, attend networking sessions and writing proposals, all while juggling daily chores like dropping off and picking kids up at school and/or daycare, grocery shopping, preparing meals, doing laundry, checking on aging parents and trying to fit in a pedicure once a month.
The difference in these approaches is hormonal. Testosterone makes men think they are better than they probably are. Their confidence is enhanced when they are arrayed in the requisite cock feathers of male success – a nice car, a generous expense account and the company of other alpha males. The yardstick by which many men measure success is numbers. The guy with the highest number wins.
- Dollar sign + highest number of digits in salary = Success
- Highest number of psi in a power washer = Success
- Most horsepower in car, outboard motor or snowblower = Success
- Highest number of penile inches = Success
- Most inches in big-screen TV = Success
- Most big-screen TVs = Success
Of course golf scores are moot as they all lie anyway.
Women’s numbers are different. Smaller numbers equal success. For example:
- Quick shower, put on makeup, feed kids, exit house in minimum time = Success
- Dropped 6 lbs. on the scale this week = Success
- Fewest number of trips to grocery store per week = Success
- No lost socks in this week’s laundry = Success
- Zero balance on this month’s Visa bill = Success
- Finally fit into size 8 jeans = Success
- Go to bed at 10:00 p.m. instead of 12:00 = Success
- Only 2 items left on today’s “To Do” list = Success
Does this mean we should start slipping estrogen into men’s morning coffee? Would the world really be a better place if they watched less TSN and more HGTV? Absolutely not. It’s the differences that make us so interesting. Except for the bit about war. Obama, Putin, Morsi – put the kettle on. Have some brownies together.